SHE DOESN’T KNOW

I did it because it was too much for her to be insulted, I did it because I love her, she told me to stop because it cause her pain, I didn’t know that things will turn out opposite to what I expected, she doesn’t know I did it for her, she doesn’t know that I wasn’t ready for the consequences for doing so but I took the risk, she doesn’t know how many painful words I heard just to fight for her, and she doesn’t know how painful it is. Now she hates me for doing so, and pain muLtiplied to millions. And still she doesn’t know.

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Its painful, too painful, so painful that I cannot describe what kind of pain for I only know its painful. It caused me to cry a tank of tears because I don’t know what to do to relieve the pain. I cried out for God to help me, I know He can hear but I think like me He doesn’t know how to heal it this time, maybe later or tomorrow, or next day, or next month, or next year. Its too painful that I cannot stop myself from crying. They said crying is enough to heal the pain but it doesn’t work this time.

WHO AM I?

My dad said I was like mom who doesn’t care about anyone or anything but herself. My mom said I was like dad intelligent but one who doesn’t look down on people who cared for him. To grandma, I am her granddaughter who should pay tribute to her because she took cared of me since birth. But to grandpa I was an angel, who made his life worth living, who helped him changed.

But to me, i am just a woman who doesn’t worth anything good in life. I thought of throwing myself to hell but every time I attempt do so I always think of my dreams, a dream to be different from my mom, dad, grandma and grandpa, to have a family different what I have now, to travel the world and be happy. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, next day, next month, next year, next decade but i’m thankful that despite the situation I am to I’ m still able to stand, maybe not that firm but at least I am trying.

I am the person different from what you see physically. I am feel.