TRUST ME

Trust, have you ever heard about it? Did you ever google it’s meaning? Did you tried to trust someone? Or have you ever tried trusting yourself? How come I never felt that you trusted me? Why did you have to create all those unknown account just to stalk, to know what I am up to? Why not just ask me instead? You know that I can tell you everything even the worst story you don’t want to hear just to let you know what’s happening with my life, but you never asked, instead you stalked, then later hurt me cause you thought I’m doing something out of my limits.

Last night I was scanning my memories, hoping to find something that can make me smile, unfortunately, it stopped with a memory that made me frown. I remember the day when we started communicating again, it’s been 4 years, I was surprise. I didn’t miss you but I was happy talking to you again, few days later we talked about our lives and the lives we had with our special someone.  Then we ended up narrating the dramas we’ve encountered, and it was fine, I trusted you, and I trusted you that you are telling exactly what were happening to your life. Few months later, we fell in love with each other, I tried to adapt to your life, and we were happy even though sometimes I make mistakes and even start fights. But, there’s always that feeling that something is missing. When I’m out you never asked me where I was, whom I was with and I was happy because I thought you trusted me, but no.

 We broke up because of other reasons yet we still communicated. I didn’t search for it, it just pop-out, I don’t know how, but u did it, saw your accounts, saw everything on how you look out for me, that’s why you never asked, that’s why you always had that something to say that was way opposite to what was happening, you made conclusions that I didn’t even know where you found the equations, and all of these are to me a question of “why didn’t you ever trust me?”

LET GO OF THE THINGS THAT MAKES YOU SAD

What makes me sad then? Its knowing that my parents are fighting and hurting each other, that my brother has failing grades, that my business is unstable, that I chose to let go of someone I love you so much because I have to carry and solve the problems that my family was having last month.

Yes, I should let go of these problems. I can. But what made me more sad was knowing I can’t have the person I love most back, not because he found someone to fill in the place I left but because I realize I wasn’t good enough for him.

Few weeks ago I saw a picture of one of my closest friend, it was his picture on his birthday, my tears pour down when I saw it. The picture shows he was so happy with the surprise his girlfriend made. It was then that my memories started to rewind. It was his birthday, I promised him something I was not able to commit because I chose to stay with my family, instead I scheduled it on another day, but still the promise was not fulfilled, he was waiting for it, and was still waiting for me for months to fulfill that promise. I know he was sad, but I had no choice, my family was my priority that time. Few months later we broke up, he didn’t understand but I do understand that the situation was complicated, he knew from the start that he was not my first priority and to him it was unfair but he never mind but I mind, I care about it, so then I decided to cut the relationship.

It made me mad, yeah it was my choice but I never wanted all of this to happen. I wanted him to stay. But what made me sadder? It’s realizing that I’ve never done anything good to him, broken promises, endless fights, he’s crying because I’m breaking his heart every day. Though he was trying his best to win me back, I can’t go back because the same thing will happen. It would still be unfair to him. Though it’s difficult, I am praying that he will be able to find someone who’s willing enough to give her time to him and the happiness that is meant for him.

So this is how I let go of the thing that makes me sad.